I Have No Idea What This Is

Bear with me please, this is from September:

I’ve had a post about our trip to London during the Olympics all written and ready to post, but since today is the bf’s birthday and it’s the first time in our entire relationship in which we won’t be spending a birthday together, I’ve decided I’m going to post this half-drunken sentimental mess I wrote Monday night after coming back from a friend’s wedding (and also write this run-on sentence, #win). [only spelling mistakes were fixed]

I remember someone telling me how they’ve never missed anyone in their life. My immediate reaction was thinking how sad that is. Tonight has confirmed that belief. Missing someone is depressing and sometimes agonizing. Yet at the same time, it makes you value relationships. It reaffirms connections. Missing people helps you realize how important they are to you and how much the past you share should be cherished. It means you have formed a kinship, though it may be fleeting, in this life.

Going to weddings alone (while in a relationship) amplifies this. The gin and tonics also help. Weddings are a breeding ground for hypered-emotions, I was just on the wrong side of the spectrum. Being maudlin and watching couples dancing, whispering, laughing and just well, acting couple-y messed me up. As much as I was happy for my friend, I was wishing I could be anywhere else. It’s a selfish thought I am a bit ashamed to feel, but not sorry.

I danced, I smiled, but all the while constantly searching for someone to share the moment with. Too bad he’s in Greece.

More than half a year after writing this, a period in which I haven’t posted a thing on this blog, I am now engaged to said bf. I found this draft and for some unfathomable reason, it felt appropriate to post now, amidst the planning-a-wedding mess. I’ll probably regret it once it’s up.

I think I’m going to update here more frequently – get ready for some venting and angst. If you’ve read this entire post, bless you.

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2 Responses to I Have No Idea What This Is

  1. @hannanaha says:

    It’s not selfish if the music was bad.

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